Mondays Are Alright

Monday mornings...they are perfect. Yes, my desk is a mess, I left a cup of coffee sitting there, next to my phone and it looks really gross and there's a bunch of crap in my InBox but that's ok because I'm pure as snow on Monday morning. My past sins are forgiven, eveything I did last week is washed away, all the time I spent on facebook and talking to my kids...that's water under the bridge.  This week will be different, I'll be focused and productive. I'll take care of my clients, I'll do the right thing at the right time, I'll make money and have fun.  And it all starts right now, today, Monday.

Wrestling? Let's Go!

This afternoon my son tried to tackle me in the grass. I didn't go down till he used the leg sweep. At first I was kind of mad, "You can't tackle your mom".  then I threw him down and he laughed, jumped up and came at me again. this time I swept his legs and tossed him down again.  Over and over he came at me and we wrestled around in the grass. He's 8 now and getting pretty big. He's a black belt and plays foot ball so he's got some skill. But you know what? I can still take him down, this week and I'm almost fifty and still like wrestling. It's fun and boy did it make him happy cause he's boy. I know I must look silly but wrestling is great and I think I'm gonna keep on doing it for a while.

Smile Untill It Hurts

Sometimes I smile so much my face hurts. How great is that? Today I talked to so many nice people, folks I've never met before and now my face hurts.  While it's actually an unpleasant feeling, and I'm ready to stop smiling for a few minutes, I have to be thrilled by the cause.  My face hurts from smiling. If I'm smiling I must be happy. This odd condition also tells me I don't smile enough, so I'm going to make sure I'm smiling when I'm happy. The truth is everybody looks younger and more interesting when they are smiling. Do you want a teacher that smiles or frowns. Do you like the garbage man who smiles or glares. If you get arrested do you want the pissed off cop or the one who smiles. And waitress...who wants an angry waitress...please give me a happy waitress or bartender. So, before you run out a pay 7,000 dollars on a face lift, try smiling till it hurts.

I Love My Gym

    Recently I joined Anytime Fitness and it's now one of my favorite places on the planet. I've been part of two other very popular clubs, here in Hot Springs but AF is so much better...BECAUSE ITS FRIENDLY! And my Anytime has great equipment. I can't stand walking into a health club and feeling as though everybody is checking me out, what kind of shoes am I wearing? what kind of tank top? Does my hair look perfect, am I one of those people who sweats on the treadmill?  The staff at both my AF are crazy friendly and helpful and a little silly. they tease me when I only stay 20 minutes, they cheer for me when I shave two seconds off my mile. And that's what I need in a gym.  Plus, AF smells good and has really really clean bathrooms.  The last place I worked out had a shower changing room and all the really really large old ladies liked to sit around naked. I mean naked naked. It was disturbing and made me uncomfortable then I felt shallow and judgemental cause I felt uncomfortable. Put  towel on, please. So that's my shout out to Anytime Fitness, it's a good place.

PS they didn't pay me to write this.

Abercrombie Web Page Fun

If you need to be entertained for a minute go check out the Abercrombie and Fitch web page. It's too much fun because the models on the home page are super pretty and almost naked with skin as smooth as a water balloon.  The page doesn't make me want to buy their clothes but it does make me think about shaving my husband's chest. Hairless, like a seal pup, looks pretty good on Abercrombie guys. Then go look at the jeans, men or women.  They only show the jeans and the beautiful bellies of their models. No arms or faces.Holy cow, those are some crazy looking torsos.  Again, hairless to the extreme.If you check out the yoga pants it's the same deal, except the models have extreme abs and cherry bomb butts.I think these girls had the perfect buts before they bought the yoga pants. But if their yoga pants can make my butt look like a perfect honeydew melon, I might need some. The great thing is, after looking at their page I don't want their clothes or their models, I just want to look and laugh. Here's the link. Have fun!  http://www.abercrombie.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/StoreView?storeId=10051&langId=-1&catalogId=10901

tomorrow

I know what I'm writing about Wed. morning.  How much fun it is to make fun of the abercrombe & fitch web page.  Half of them are naked and the rest look really mean. Ha!~

I'm Jacking Your Cash!

"Oh my gosh, look what I just found. A wad of bills in my pants pocket!." or  "Look, I found eight dollars in these jeans I haven't worn in a month."  That's one of the best feeling in the world. Of course as you unroll the money blob you are hoping there's a twenty in the middle. But even if there isn't, finding money, even your own money is so cool. Because for some weird reason it's free money. I can do anything I want with money I find in my pants pocket or better still in the washing machine.  If I'm doing the laundry and find a ten dollar bill, I'm keeping it buddy. I don't care who's pants it came out of, that Jackson is mine and there's no telling what I'm gonna do with it. Hell, I might buy ten dollars worth of gummy worms and call it a happy day.

Moral of the story...do your own laundry

The Way Morning Smells

The way a good morning smells makes me crazy happy. Good golly miss molly, I love waking up and smelling the coffee, knowing it's already there, waiting for me, hot and fresh. And then it gets even better when I smell something else yummy, even if it's just toast. So go on, get the day rolling before I get out of bed. I love those morning kitchen smells.

The Black Eyed Peas Can't Sing At My Funeral :-(

Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night...I love that song in the morning. I know it's not very good but it's so much fun. Me and Fergie, we're tight.  I told my kids I wanted that song played at my funeral because I was going to heaven and be with my old family and God. It would be a party and a very good night. But Lexie, who is 14, said no, I can't have the Black Eyed Peas singing at my funeral.  Because it would sound like everyone was happy and dancing BECAUSE I was dead. 
Still...tonight's gonna be a good night!

If you like this silly stuff, check out http://www.hampoland.com/.

He's Not A Stupid Stoner Anymore!

Walking through Wal-Mart I ran into a boy I  knew five or seven years ago. He was in my daughter's class. Back then he was a sorry punk loser and I figured he'd end up with neck tatts in prison. He was the kid with a messed up family who hit mail boxes with a base ball bat at least twice a year. He picked on little kids on the school bus then when he got older he drove like an idiot around the elementary school building. I'm pretty sure he's the kid that spray painted cuss words on the kinder garden slide and play house. Yeah, he was horrible. But now James seems to be just fine. I saw him this weekend, he's 22 years old and looks great. He's going to the Community College and working for the Parks Department. He introduced me to his girlfriend and they have a beautiful little two year old son. He shook my hand then gave me a hug. I'm so happy.

STOP and Smile At That Guy

Almost everyday I pass road construction guys. They stand out there with a stop/slow sign wearing a hard hat and orange vest.  I like waving at these dudes or at least smiling (not in a slutty "come over here" way) and then seeing them wave back or at least give me a head nod. That's got to be a pretty wretched job, especially when it's 104 degrees and they're wearing blue jeans. So I'm happy when I can make them smile. They are important, they keep me from having a head on collision with on-coming traffic. A smile is the least I can offer. And if they are happy maybe they will hurry up, finish their job and get the hell out of my way.

Loser On Line

When I log onto facebook and see I have 8 notifications, 4 messages and a friend request I feel so good!Why? It makes me fell like I'm witty or smart. Nobody comments on stupid, boring updates, unless they come from famous people.  If I get messages I feel as though somebody cares about me and the friend notifications are pretty exciting because it means somebody was actually looking for me and was happy they found me.  Maybe, online, I seem moderately interesting.I try not to put stuff like "just trimmed my toe nails". Who cares, right? Just a few years ago there wasn't a facebook. What made me happy back then?  I do remember the first time I got on line and "chatted" with people. I felt like a stranger in a strange land, I didn't know their language and every time they typed LOL, I swear I thought they were saying "loser on line". My family has always been a little paranoid.

So, if you want to make me happy, hit me up on facebook.
Diana McDaniel Hampo
or you can check my other blog http://www.hampoland.com/

Hobos In Love

                                                  

In the shady part of town, in the nice part of town, I feel better when I see hobos in love.  This may sound odd, but seeing homeless or "down on their luck" folks walking together, holding hands, makes me feel good. Maybe those guys don't have a house with a porch, maybe the are going to the Jackson House to get a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, maybe they don't have any money at all, so they are going to ask for change at the Walgreens, but they have each other. They have a companion and someone to talk to for a little while.  They love each other and hold hands as they walk up the street. I do and give what I can and I know it's not enough, but sometimes, having a hand to hold is the most important thing.

I Want To Shop For My Own Birthday

I try not to go to malls and look at stuff because it makes me want everything. Malls and the Internet make me want stuff i didn't even  know existed and that's just stupid. I've lived very well without most of the see. Still, when I look something like the gardeners supply boot tray I think I have to have it.  Yeah, I want that boot tray cause it keeps all the muddy boots off the ground.  We have something called a 'shoe pot' behind our front door. By the end of the week there are sometimes seven or eight pairs of shoes and boots in the pot.  A rack that holds them sounds way better than a  pot. I also want a new pair of cowboy boots and Toms to put in my shoe pot.

I want furniture too because none of ours matches. We have granny furniture from three different old women and the kids get the left overs.  I need a twin trundle bed pull out for Sandor's room. It has drawers underneath so he can more effectively hide all his trash, dead lizards and candy wrappers when I tell him to clean his room. When I see things like boot trays and trundle beds I imagine my house will suddenly be clean and organized if I just buy this stuff.

And then there's my bed.  If I don't get Botox for my birthday I better get a beautiful quilt and bedding set. I actually really like this one. It's a black damask bedding set and it's gorgeous. Look it all matches! I have three different pillow cases on my bed right now, stripes, white, and Sponge bob Square Pants.  I would feel like a queen if I had a bed that looked like this and I'd probably make my bed a lot more often. I think my kids would even respect me more if my bed was this beautiful. Chances are they'll bring me breakfast in bed just cause my room is so lovely. 

My birthday is only three weeks away. Hey folks, you need to start shopping now and please use real wrapping paper. I'm not a fan of those gift bags.

Friday Night Glory

Friday morning...it's awesome because there's a home game tonight at Fountain Lake. And on Friday mornings when I drive around the school I get to see all the senior high players in the big purple jerseys.  They stand together, they swagger together. The girls bump up against them and everybody laughs. The lights will be turned on this afternoon and the field will glow as the sun sets. The stadium is beautiful and pristine, waiting for the Friday night warriors. Most are sweet boys who hug their moms and their mom's friends. They throw footballs at the little boys who wear jerseys on Fridays too, hoping they will some day be able to take the field when the stands are packed and the home crowd cheers and rings cowbells. They are teen-age boys, all on the verge of becoming men, taking care of business, getting a job done, for their school, for their fans and for a tiny Arkansas community built around the purple and gold Cobras.

Teenagers On The Couch

When teenagers come over and hang out at the house, that makes me so happy. Come, eat my food, watch my tv, tease my youngest son.  Last night Lexie's football playing boyfriend came over and her buddy Angel.  I handed Lex a plate of pork chops and some corn to shuck.  They all stayed outside shucking and grilling, then came in to watch Deadliest Warrior. They check their facebooks, text and Lex was doing a dance called the "Wobble". they play stupid games and throw stuff at each other. It was so perfect. yeah, they kind of make a mess but the boy shakes hands with my husband, Angel gave me a hug and fell asleep on the couch and it was wonderful.And i definitely would rather have them here than anyplace else.  I try not to hover too much, I stay in the kitchen and occasionally throw napkins at them and tell them to stop "snuggling" under the blanket on the couch. But I can hear the laughing and cutting up, I can hear the stupid jokes and Ethan showing off his football war wounds and that's an absolutely magical sound.

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How To Apologize

Apologies are one of the greatest things in the world.  Giving and getting. Apologies can make you feel like you just stepped out of a shower, you're clean, forgiven and beautiful. And they are so powerful. A heart felt apology can make so much anger, resentment, frustration and sadness melt.  Once you get the words "I'm sorry" out of your mouth, things get better, almost instantly. We all dread  apologizing, but most of the time, once you say your are sorry  people generally think, "wow, he's pretty brave. That took guts". It's really hard to hold a grudge once someone has sincerely said, "I'm sorry". The secret to saying you're sorry is keeping it short. People don't want to hear you going on and on and on. They know what you did. And they don't some long drawn out explanation as to why you burned their house down. Just say you made a mistake, you'll never do it again and you're sorry. Then hand shake or hug it out. Get in, get out, get in done. 

Puney Little Humans

Lightening, thunder, hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, straight line winds.  I love kick ass weather. I know it often brings heart ache and destruction but I love really powerful weather because it proves one thing. God and Mother Nature are still totally in control.  We can do and say anything we want but we do not have the ability to control or even slow down the weather. If 70 mile an hour straight line winds blow a tree down and it falls right on my house, not a thing I can do.  If a tornado plows across Arkansas, picks up my house and drops it in Lake Hamilton, not a thing I can do about it.  (Though I'm thinking I should consider more homeowners insurance).We can't even protect ourselves from bad weather.  All we can do is pray. Profound and violent weather is absolutely awe inspiring and reminds me how small I am. So, fellow  human beings, we are not in control, face it. God has all the power when it comes to life and death issues and the weather. And I'm really glad He does.

I Love Fearless Teachers!

There are two things I love this morning, not counting my dog, children and husband.  But I feel I need to write about teachers today.  This morning Sandor (who is 8) got into the car with a Tupperware full of the most disturbing, wretched mixture of egg, dog food, milk, curry power, flower, mushrooms, peanut butter, green food coloring, Crisco, the list goes on and on.  If Big Foot ate a coyote then threw up in a plastic bucket it might look like this mixture. But this grossness is a homework assignment.  Sandor has a great teacher who told the kids to make a disgusting mixture of food stuff, the only catch, they had to carefully measure everything they put in the bucket.  So my boy spent almost an hour carefully figuring out 1/3 cups, 3/4 cups, teaspoons and tablespoons.  He measured every vile ingredient he added to the mixture. This morning the teacher will judge all the horrendous concoctions and kids will win prizes for most disgusting texture, smell and color.   So today I want to say thank you to the teachers who use their imagination to inspire our children to learn.  Kudos to the teachers willing to deal with containers full or horror in the name of education.

I Found My Other Best Friend

     There is nothing better than finding an old friend and discovering they are still your friend and really cool.  I had a friend in high-school. We were great buddies, though radically different. (We never dated and now I'm wondering what my freakin' problem was.Teenagers are so monstrously stupid) Anyway, we found each other two years ago. And the fact that we had not seen or spoken to one another in 30 years didn't matter at all. We are still exactly as we were then, though we've both changed so much.  I think between us there have been four or five marriages, six or seven kids and millions of dollars, but when we talk or e-mail it's as easy and silly as it was in 1976. We argue about everything from politics to music, we make fun of each other, and there's nothing we wouldn't do to help. Finding out an old friend is still one of your best friends is one of the sweetest feelings in the world.