My Bitch Switch Has Been Flipped

     Sometimes it's best to roll around in your bad mood, just give into it and be pissed off, be grumpy and irritable. Today I have a serious case of the "whatevers" and that's not good. For the first couple of hours this morning I tried to fight it. I tried to find thing the be happy about, but right around ten o'clock i said 'screw it I'm in a bad mood. End of story, kids stay away from me.' I don't even know what happened to flip my bitch switch but everything is bugging me and I guess that's ok. Sometimes I guess we need to wallow around in our bad mood like a pig in mud, roll over, get that grumpiness all over you.

On a positive note, now that I'm officially grumpy, I feel a little better.

Getting my daughter in the mindset for school

Guest post written by Maxine Rockwell

Back when I was a kid growing up, I had a really tough time in school. I just couldn't find things that would challenge me and I think that I slacked off a bit because of that. Well, I don't want that for my daughter, who's getting ready to start kindergarten next week. She's very bright and is already doing a pretty good job of reading. But I don't want to worry about her at school, so I'm going to make sure that I prepare her for school as well as I can. That means making sure that she's OK around other strange kids that she doesn't know and she'll pay attention in class.
I was looking up some stuff about what level of reading and learning she should be at by grade level and while I was doing that, I ran across the website Clearwirelessinternet.com. After I read through ti a little bit, I decided to change over my home internet service to one of the packages that I saw on there.
All of this research actually got me back in the mindset for school, which I think will help my daughter in her learning and scholarly pursuits.

What Not To Wear...Over and Over and Over

Is there anything in the world than waking up for work, getting dressed, then realizing you look pretty good, ON THE FIRST TRY!  That's the greatest feeling in the world. When you put on the right skirt, the right bra, the right shirt first thing.  Bad mornings mean I try on at least five different outfits, as the pile of rejected outfits gets bigger on my bed my mood plummets.Then because it takes me so long to get dressed, I'm already running late for the day and I know the first thing I have to do when I get home is clean my freaking room.It's a grim fashion spiral. And on these bad days, that are filled with stylish indecision, when I finally do say yes to an outfit, I still feel ill fitted, frumpy and out of sorts. Ahhh, but putting on the right dress and necklace on the first try is a joyous thing. The fashion angels sing. If the first outfit works the rest of the day will be easy. And I don't have to live with the fear that Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear are going to swoop down and drag me out of the Wal-Mart produce section.

Sorry if you are having trouble leaving comments. You can always e-mail at hampoland@gmail.com or find me of facebook.  Thanks and by the way, you look stunning in that outfit!

Hug Him, It Feels Really Good

     Almost every morning my eight year old will walk into the kitchen in his underwear, like a 65 pound zombie, his hair a mess, his eyes half open. Then he'll  stand right next to me, leaning on my thigh, until I hug him.  I love that moment and those morning hugs.  The boy doesn't need any words or food, he just needs a hug to help him make the transition from dream to reality. That moment is so fine because I know in an hour he'll be making fart noises with his arm pit and threatening to spit orange juice on his sister. But that ten seconds is the best, because it's so pure and warm. Honestly, I don't know if he's aware of what he's doing but it's the highlight of my morning because for once, I know, I can give him exactly what he needs.

And if you like this please subscribe to this blog or leave me a comment. I get lonesome sometimes.

Saturday Success

Saturday morning chores and errands are the best.  Unlike the stuff I have to do all week, Saturday jobs have a beginning and and end and I'm almost always successful. I get Sandor to football practice, he does his stuff and we leave. Success!  I take him to the barber shop. He gets a haircut. Success! I change the sheets on the bed, make the bed, it looks pretty. Success!  My weekdays are rarely that successful because all the jobs never really finished. I check all my e-mails and an hour latter there are more. I work things out for clients, and then there are new people with problems.  My boss tells me new things I need to improve...that list is never ending.  So enjoy your Saturday morning jobs and success. Now, get off the couch and go do something!

I'm Hiding In Here!

Hiding in the bathroom everymorning, with a book, is one of the great joys of my life.  My husband and kids think I'm crazy but this is what I do.

1. get a cup of coffee

2. find the current book I'm reading

3. turn the shower on hot

4. sit on the toilet lid, yes, the lid is closed, and read as the room fills with steam.

This fifteen minutes makes me so happy. The noise from the shower protects me from everything going on in the house, I can't hear any yelling or complaining. I disapper for a few minutes, all alone and protected. My family is very very close, but they generally leave me alone when I'm in the shower. This is the only place I'm absolutely alone, in the house. So I sit quietly and read in my own personal sauna. This drives my husband nuts becasue I'm wasting a ton of water, and I know he's right but I really don't care.  Remember when you were a little kid and you could hide in your treehouse or closet.  Well, that's what I'm doing. So, please don't flush the toilet or turn on the washing machine during my alone time.

I Love Paying Full Price Because I'm Not That Smart

      I absolutely love thrifty/cheap/bargin hunting people, especially the ones who use  coupons. You know, the one's I throw away every week cause I'm a moron and like giving giant corporations all my money.  Last week I was behind a woman in Kroger with a beautifully organized box of coupons. She had 50 bottle of Gatorade and they were all going to be free because of her coupons.  She had two baskets over flowing with food and was patiently going through her file box. I asked if I could stand next to her and watch her totals.  I swear to you, this ladies' $386 dollar grocery bill rolled back to $74 dollars. I was actually cheering for her.  She said she spent about 10 hours a week working on her coupons, as result she saved $312 dollars. Wow.  My friend Cara is super thrifty too and always makes me fill out stupid forms on facebook then I get awesome free stuff in the mail. So thanks Cara.  She actually has a blog about saving money and getting free stuff. http://thebargainhuntingmommy.blogspot.com/  Cara brags that she has 26 boxes of cereal at home so she can donate to charity all the time and she works over consignment stores like a CPA in tax season. So hats off to all you coupon clippers.  You attack your grocery bill like a linebacker, determined to knock it down. It's a sport, a hobby, a passion, a disease I wish I could catch.

Snacks Make EVERYTHING Better

I love unexpected  snacks at the office. Seriously, it makes the day so much better.  It doesn't have to be any thing elaborate just a little bit of yum. It's that moment when I turn the corner to walk into the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and TA DA! There's a bowl of homemade Chex Party Mix! Surprise snacks mean somebody in the world wants me to be happy, they aren't mad or disappointed and trying to get something out of me, they just wanted to leave something to snack on. And not knowing who left the snacks, those secret snack givers are even better because then, when you look around you think, 'hey, maybe your the nice person who left me those chocolate chip cookies."  Snacks really improve super boring office meetings and sometimes keep me from making an excuse to leave. I know magazines are always talking about eating too many unhealthy snacks at the office, shut up.  I'm not gonna eat the whole try of brownies, I swear. But I do think I'll have  just one more.

I Love My Redneck School District

   I love the Fountain Lake School District for a number of reasons.  First, it keeps getting better.  It's a much finer school now than it was ten years ago. I know this because I've had kids at Fountain Lake for what feels like 103 years. I love FL because high school kids can buy jeans at Wal-Mart and that's ok. Some parents shop at the mall, some at Old Navy and some do the yard sale thing on Saturday mornings and it's all ok. the kids still hang out together, double wide trailer or 5bedroom/3 bath home. Half the students wear camo or ropers most days and that's just fine too. Nobody really cares and it's absolutely not something they are judged for. I love the Friday night football games because everybody loves the team and the band and going to the game is a huge freaken deal. Football players are in the band and the clicks don't generally pick on each other. And when coaches talk about their kids they sometimes get choked up.  I love FL because teachers know your kids and talk to you about them. I'm actually not very redneck and I don't wear camo but Fountain Lake is still a great piece of red, white and blueAmerican pie and there's not much pie left these days.

Stop Flipping Me Off, I Like Driving Slow!

I'm the woman poking along at 40 miles an hour happy as a clam. That's right, I love driving slow and I don't care if you get ticked off at me.  I meander down the road reading signs, admiring the trees and looking at hobos. I never run over dogs or get speeding tickets cause I like driving like a granny. When I speed up and my kids figure out I'm speeding they cheer for me. On the interstate, I hit the speed limit and stay there, so stop screaming at me.  Generally, I leave early enough so I get to my appointments on time without speeding. So, if you are the guy behind me gesticulating like a crazy man, flipping me off and banging your head and hands on your steering wheel, get over it.  When there's a passing lane I'll slow down and scootch over a little so you can get around me. But if you tail gait or honk I'm gonna really mess with your head, I go even slower, just to piss you off, or I'll stop and let other people in front of me and your head will explode. I win and I didn't run over that hobo in the cross walk!

I Love Mike Tyson

I really like Mike Tyson, the man and the boxer. Let me tell you why before you throw shoes and rocks at me.

Mike Tyson was the Shark Week of boxing. There would be blood and somebody was going down, quickly.  His punches were epic, hell ,Tyson could knock guys out with a jab or lead hook, that's insane.  Stand up right now, pretend you are a boxer, and try to imagine knocking someone out with that front arm.Tyson always charged forward, a man with a mission in the ring and he had beautiful head movement thanks to Cus DeMato.  I think Tyson knocked his opponents out in the first round fifteen times.  Yikes.Ok, I love Mike Tyson the man, right now, because he has changed, moved forward and overcome the animal he once was.  He's now solely focused on his family and pigeons. When he talks about his old self, from 25 years ago, he admits he was a dangerous, egomaniac. But he's not that man anymore. and he works everyday to feed his children and keep his ego chained up. He knows he's got problems but he's working to be a much better man.  I respect that.  I also like the fact Tyson has a tattoo of Aurthur Ashe, the first famous black tennis player on his arm.  This tells me a lot. He respects history and men who made a difference without using violence.

If you need to throw rocks at me now, go on, I've got great head movement.

Cold Milk

Today I was torn.  I wanted to write about one of my favorite words which is ubiquitous and milk.

Power to the cows. One of the greatest things in life is the first glass of milk in a brand new gallon jug. And it's gotta be cold.  That first glass tastes so fresh, so white and clean. Now, I know about all the bad stuff in milk but the first glass is nearly magical. And any time I drink milk I feel as though I'm getting healthier and younger. Maybe there are hormones in milk but I'm pretty sure it's better for me than Mt. Dew of Miller Lite so fill up your glass and have a great day.

*Is there something you really like? Let me know, maybe I'll like it too.

The Ice From Sonic Is Perfect

I'm the person you hate sitting next to at a football game because I'm an ice cruncher.  Yeah, I know it's bad for my teeth, it means I'm missing some mineral in my diet, it means I'm sexually frustrated. I've heard all those lines hundreds of times.  And I don't care.  I try not to chew ice in  public because I know you can hear me crunching away and it's weird and annoying.But I LOVE EATTING ICE!  And the best ice?  You know it's from Sonic.  How is it they have such  terrible burgers but the finest ice on the planet. Those hard little pellets are perfect Sometimes I go to Sonic, order the cheapest thing I can find on the menu then throw it away  (ice cream cone or chicken strip sandwich) just so I can get a gigantic cup of free Sonic ice.  If you haven't tried it you need to just don't eat it around me. People who crunch on ice are soo annoying.

I'm going to try and write about something I love, or at least like, every day. Help me out, tell me what  you love?

Legal Pads Make You Look Like You Have A Plan

Legal pads, especially yellow ones, are exceedingly important to me.  I love them because they make me look like I'm the boss, I'm in charge and I know what the hell I'm doing. If I have a list on a yellow legal pad, I'm generally pretty happy becasue I know where I'm going and what I need to get done. I give people yellow legal pads as presents, all the time. Maybe this makes me sound like an OCD CPA but the truth is, I can get just about anything done with a yellow legal pad, especially a new one. Don't believe me, try it. You don't need to work out or get plastic surgery to feel better about your self. Just make a damn list on a yellow legal pad and get some stuff done.

*If you like something, let me know, especially if it's me or my blog.